Respectful Discussion

The exchange of ideas is the foundation of a great university.

Understanding the differences among discussion, dialogue and debate, and focusing on dialogue, can be helpful in learning skills to have conversations about heated topics and maintain relationships with others you may not agree with.

In discussion, we try to:

  • Present ideas.
  • Seek answers and solutions.
  • Persuade others.
  • Enlist others.
  • Share information.
  • Solve our own and others’ problems.
  • Give answers.
  • Achieve preset goals.
  • Acknowledge feelings and then discount them as inappropriate.
  • Listen for places of disagreement.
  • Avoid feelings.
  • Avoid areas of strong conflict and difference.
  • Retain relationships.
  • Avoid silence.

In debate, we try to:

  • Succeed or win.
  • Look for weakness.
  • Stress disagreement.
  • Defend our opinion.
  • Focus on “right” and “wrong.”
  • Advocate one perspective or opinion.
  • Search for flaws in logic.
  • Judge other viewpoints as inferior, invalid or distorted.
  • Deny other’s feelings.
  • Listen with a view of countering.
  • Discount validity of feelings.
  • Focus on conflict and difference as an advantage.
  • Disregard relationships.
  • Use silence to gain advantage.

In dialogue, we try to:

  • Broaden our own perspective.
  • Look for shared meaning.
  • Find places of agreement.
  • Express paradox and ambiguity.
  • Bring out areas of ambivalence.
  • Allow for and invite differences of opinion and experience.
  • Discover collective meaning.
  • Challenge ourselves and others preconceived notions.
  • Explore thoughts and feelings.
  • Listen without judgement and with a view to understand.
  • Validate other’s experiences and feelings.
  • Articulate areas of conflict and difference.
  • Build relationships.
  • Honor silence.

In summary:

  • The goal of dialogue is to listen to understand the other. Ask yourself, “Am I coming to know and understand you better?”
  • The goal of debate is to defeat the other’s position. Ask yourself, “Am I winning this argument?”
  • The goal of discussion is to persuade others, usually while avoiding conflict. Ask yourself, “Is this other person agreeing with me and liking me?”

To focus on dialogue during conversations, it can be helpful to ask yourself the following questions:

  • Am I honoring my own experience as valid OR am I feeling defensive about it?
  • Can I trust others to respect differences OR do I suspect others are trying to force me to change?
  • Can I trust myself to be permeable and still maintain integrity OR do I fear that really hearing a different perspective will weaken my position.
  • Am I willing to open myself to the pain of others and my own pain OR am I resisting pain that I really do have the strength to face?

AUTHORSHIP/COPYRIGHT
All materials remain property of the Program on Intergroup Relations at The University of Michigan, 1214 S. University Ave, Ann Arbor, MI 48104-2592. 734-936-1875. Used with permission.

Checking the facts: Is your point of view formed from information by credible sources?

There’s so much information out there, including information that is accurate and factual and information that is created to look factual, but is based solely on speculation or opinion.

Before you form your point of view, it’s important to consider if sources of information you’re consider are credible. Here are some content-neutral ways to check your sources.

Evaluating information